Every year we get older, as the day of our birth approaches. I have always enjoyed getting older. For one; I am a young person, stuck with an old soul. This year however, my birthday will be a bit harder to celebrate. I am missing someone very important to me, and she wont be able to attend my 21st birthday. Which I had been looking forward to for most of our high school career. The day we would be able to take a shot legally with each other!
We talked about how we would get so drunk that we would do everything on Katy's Perry's "TGIF" song. Which if you haven't heard goes a little like this, " Last Friday night, we danced on tabletops, and we took too many shots, think we kissed but i forgot, last Friday night, we maxed our credit cards, and got kicked out of the bar, so we hit the boulevard, last Friday night..." I think you can get the picture from just those few lyrics. We were going to do something CRAZY!
But since you aren't here I am not sure what I will do. I was thinking maybe going to get my nails done (like a typical girl.) Do some shopping and get a late lunch. But then I thought: you would absolutely hate if I did that. I could just picture you saying, " Hell no, we are going out, get your shoes on NOW WOMAN!"
There was never a duel moment with you. Even in the dark times. We found a way to smile. To be there for each other. But you aren't here for me anymore. We didn't get to celebrate your birthday, one month before mine. I just couldn't do it. It's so hard to really believe that you are gone forever.
This whole week I have been thinking about calling you. Telling you what I want to do. The worst thing is that I still have your number memorized. I've even called it a few times but it's disconnected. Obviously. I just keep hoping that you are going to answer one of these days. And I will hear your sweet voice on the other end, greeting me with a "hello" and a laugh.
I don't know which day is going to be worse, my birthday without you or the first anniversary of your death. I keep shedding tears, I know this is not what you want. But through these tears, I have figured out something. Even though you maybe gone, it doesn't mean you aren't here. I mean I don't feel you here. But I know that you are here, you are still a live in my memories, and in my heart.
I am going to choose to not be sad about this. I know you are in a better place, at least I choose to believe that. In your honor, I am going to take a few shots for you, and for me. And I will live. Because I know that is what you want me to do. To live. Live life crazy. Live life like there is no tomorrow (as cliche as that is.) I know deep down that is what you have always wanted for me. And that is what I am going to do. I am going to start living. Because what is the point if you are alive but you aren't living?
Cheers to you my beloved best friend, may you rest in peace and Happy Birthday to the both of us!
